Insecurities, we all have them. Some of us wear them on our sleeves so everyone can see, and others are able to hide theirs inside a small box in their pocket. I'm one of those who wears them on her sleeve, right next to my heart. I've been faced with a lot of my insecurities lately and I'm finding that it scares the living crap out of me. Over the past few days I've been more aware of my singleness then usual. My brother and his wife (fairly recent, he was married the first weekend of June) came to visit for my cousin's wedding and while spending the day after the wedding with my parents and them my singleness hit me square in the face. They sat there and talked about marriage and relationships almost the entire day and it was all I could do not to cry. I sat there and thought "What if I never get that? What happens if I never find love? What if I end up alone?" And there Ladies and Gents, is my biggest insecurity and fear, being alone. I know that I am never truly alone because I have God and my family and friends, but a romantic aloneness is so different. With the past few boyfriends I've thought, "Is he it? Am I finally with the one?" but again and again I was wrong and ended up hurting and my fear and insecurity got worse. Over time I'm hoping that the fear and insecurity dwindles and I can enjoy a relationship even if I know it will come to an end.
On a lighter note, I suppose I could take some time to tell you about myself, I mean you've already read more about me than I like to tell so why not give you some basics as well. I'm Christian, and a volunteer youth leader at my church. I'm an actress, and I can't imagine my life without theater. I am currently involved with Achieving Movement, an independent film company run by some close friends, making mostly horror films. I've been in eight plays and two musicals. My favorite role to date was when I got the chance to play Juliet in Shakespeare's classic Romeo and Juliet, that role followed closely by the time I got to play an eighteen year old boy and wear a bow tie. (yes, I said bow tie, bow ties are cool) I'm a writer. I am in a band called Illibrium which means "of rain" in Latin. I have no idea what genre we are so don't ask, we play whatever we like no matter the genre. I have one brother and a newly found sister-in-law. I have an obsession with Doctor Who (that will have its own post)
For now I'm gonna say that's all, I think this was a productive first blog.
God Bless,
Allie Elise
Bow Ties ARE Cool ;D
ReplyDeletewe all know it!! ;)
Your sister in law said the same thing before she met your brother. She was certain she would never meet someone she would want to spend the rest of her life with and once she just forgot about it and focused on her school work, look what happened. Like I told her it will happen, but just make sure you enjoy life until that day comes :)
ReplyDeleteConnie